Back to Work

Today was my first day back to work. I have been dreading it for a while now, not sure what to expect, what to say to people, how to focus, etc. I cried the entire ride to work, listening to every song that makes me think of Reagan. I knew I had to get it out before arriving, so I wouldn't be a complete mess all day.

For those who don't know me, I do customer service for a brokerage firm's website. Basically, I help people log in, navigate, technical stuff, etc. I was amazed at how easily frustrated I got with other people's petty problems. I had a guy yelling at me because his portfolio screen didn't show the date/time his securities were updated. He was talking about moving his accts because he thinks our site is crap. All I could think about is how freakin petty this was compared to what I constantly have running through my mind. I wanted to start yelling back, saying you think that's bad, I just lost my baby a couple of months ago! But fortunately, I kept my calm, not wanting to lose my job. Just kept agreeing and said I'd send it up as a suggestion. He ended up hanging up on me. Oh, how I love customer service!!! (Notice the sarcasm?)

Then, on top of everything, we were swamped today. I couldn't get away from my desk to save my life. Finally at my normal lunch time, I said screw it and walked away. There was no one available for the phones, but I had to do it for my sanity. I called Chris and we talked for a while. I had a few tears, took some deep breaths, and then went back to what seems like hell right now. I'm sure it will get easier as time goes by, but for now, it's the last place I want to be.